Resist Surrender? Who, Me?
Yes, you, Sugar Cookie, and me as well. I know of what I speak when I say that resistance can be so subtle and so automatic that it often takes a breakthrough in awareness to even know that you are resisting. If you’ve been doing your homework thus far, Sweet One, you have at least begun to notice when you are tense, and hopefully have practiced relaxing in response. Very simple, but very profound, sort of Resistance 101 sub-course.
The Dance of Resistance and Surrender
Most of what we learn in this Bizarro World that we were all schooled in is the exact opposite of what really works. We’re taught to resist—delaying gratification so much that we can’t enjoy the fun things in life, being suspicious of things that come too easy, pushing and forcing our wills against what feels more right in order to achieve some society-approved goal. You know that saying, a house divided cannot stand? Well, resistance divides your inner house because it causes you to constantly refuse what is true in the moment and allows the mind to pine for an alternate reality. You end up living in a walled off state, walled off from your inner knowing, from your inner wisdom, from your YOU, all of which are only accessible in present time.
Surrender, of course, is another societal taboo—equated with defeat, with being less-than, with losing the right to live under your own authority. It is, of course, exactly the opposite of that in both a practical and spiritual sense. Surrender is accepting what is true in the moment, which doesn’t mean that you cannot work for a better outcome in a future moment. But when you accept what is, as it is, then you have all of your energy, you inner wisdom & knowing, and your YOU all available to you. And that that’s a lot of power, Sunshine. Surrender takes way more courage than resistance because it requires you to live beyond the defenses of the mind, to swim in the fullness of life even when it’s awash with hurricanes and rogue waves.
Surrender and resistance are always in a dance, sometimes on a stage so deep that you don’t even realize they are dancing, and sometimes in the racing heartbeat and ragged breathes of an immediate crisis. But they are always there. Even when you are in full surrender, resistance is whirling right along in case you choose to engage it.
So what’s a person to do with surrender and resistance dancing upon their inner stage? Learn to dance the dance of course! It’s much easier to get the hang of the jig when you are playing in everyday life, Sugar Pie, than to fumble through the steps when life turns up the heat. I assume (and yes, I know what they say about assuming, but I think so highly of you and so I just KNOW, right?, that you have been doing your Life homework…) that you have at least practiced relaxing when you notice that you are tense. Start there (and play with that a bit if this is all new to you.) Then add relaxing into feelings and emotions (which doesn’t mean that you have to act on them, just allow yourself to fully feel them.) Then, once you’ve relaxed into tension or a feeling, or whatever it was you were resisting, simply notice how much bigger and more expansive the moment seems, how much freer & less encumbered, how much more YOU is present. Simple. Really, all of this is just so very simple. It’s the mind that makes it hard. Why? Because without the playground of resistance all it would have to do to keep busy is to balance the checkbook—which, of course, being the mind, it would resist.