The Things That Fly Out of Your Mouth When You’re Being YOU…
You know those conversations you have when you are just being You and something comes out of your mouth that just cracks you up and yet makes so much sense? Well I was in one of those conversations yesterday with a friend and we were talking about control, and what wasn’t working when he was very clear on the big picture that he wanted, but nothing was showing up. Turns out that he was trying to control every detail between where he was and where he wanted to be, because that’s what they tell you to do in bizarro world success school, right?
And it just doesn’t work. What came out of my mouth was that your big picture is this huge expanse that is available to you and feels so good when you think about it because your You is usually game for this big picture as long as it expands you. But when you try to control all the details, it’s like saying to the creative force of the universe that you want this big picture to come to you in a pink envelope with a bunny sticker. It’s as restrictive as garrote on your windpipe, and that control can choke your big picture so that all it can do is trickle in. Then it shows up like the tricked out Barbie Bike I saw in a vintage shop that I wanted when I was five. It appeared, yes, but way, way to late to be fun.
Control Chokes Up Your Funnel
Your you may crave control, but your You knows that control is a choke hold on your life, and it keeps trying to teach that trick you, which usually works as well as trying to teach a month old puppy how to sit. Truth told, the puppy learns faster. Don’t believe me? How old are you and you’re still struggling with the control thing? The puppy has grown and moved on to jumping through glittery hoops. If control isn’t your thing, as in, you’ve surrendered it (and in an empowered way, because reactive wussie surrender is really powerlessnes dressed up in a swanky victim hat), then you may have choked off your dreams in another common way.
Imagine the expanse of this big picture you have for your life, all that you want that you have been visualizing, asking for, goal-setting, whatever your process. In order for it to show up, though, it has to run through a sort of funnel of materialization to get into your life. The narrowness of your funnel depends on, like I said, how much control you’re trying to exert over every little thing, which is fairly easy to recognize when you start looking for it. The more hidden factors in your funnel-narrowness are your opinions, beliefs, judgments, values, worldview and other restrictions imposed by your personality and identity—the more you have locked in place, the narrower your funnel.
Filtering Away Your Dreams
Why? Because all these things impose filters and limits on how your desires and dreams can come to you. On a regular faucet there is just one screen filter so water rushes out when you turn it on full blast. I love that sort of instant flow. But I have one of those charcoal water filter pitchers for my drinking water to strain out the nasties, and when I put water in that pitcher, that three inch filter trickles my water out at about the speed of half dried cement. Just like that pitcher, the more filters and screens you have—like, say, that in order to feel safe and validated you need to have everyone like you, but you are dreaming about success as a writer, which inherently pisses people off (believe me; Oy Vey, the critics!), you will continue to cut off your potential success with the filter of needing to be liked.
If, however, you remove that filter, then it makes it oh so much easier to put yourself out there in a way that will bring you success, because if you write (even a blog) some people will like you enough to subscribe to you (and I love you all back, my lovely lemon tarts) and some people write you and tell you that you are a freak of nature. But hey, at least they read enough to get pissed off and if they are reading this and getting pissed off, then their You is working on them and that makes me smile. Yea You!
So, right now, find a pen and a piece of paper and write down your big dream in a sentence or two. Then write ten ways your opinions, judgments, beliefs, personality traits, self-identity and/or control issues put filters on that dream.
Got it? Then close your eyes and visualize or imagine a white board in your mind. One by one, write out the filter, and then erase it. One by one, now. Don’t do them all at once. Do that for a month every night before you go to sleep and see how your life begins to flow.
Oh, and send this to ten of your friends in 3, 2, 1—NOW! ☺