Are You Saying Yes! or No! to Life?
Life is abundant opportunity just waiting for you to embrace it—if you don’t believe me, take a look around you at all the opportunities that have come to people you know, people in biographies, people in the news. Life abounds with opportunities of all sorts: personal relationships, business or career possibilities, travel invitations, fun things to do that people invite you to, etc.
We All Say Yes! and No! to Some Things
Not all opportunities feel fun and inviting to everyone. When I was in high school, a bunch of us talked about being foreign exchange students and explored that option. Ultimately, I was the only one who went overseas, but the invitation was open and pondered by several. I said Yes, and, for many good reasons, everyone else said No. They may have had different educational goals, family influences, or other more compelling interests to pursue. As far as I know, none of them felt resentful for not going, they all chose what was interesting for them.
On the other hand, I tried a number of sports over the years, from softball, to soccer to track, and, over time, said No to all of them in favor of less organized ways to exercise. I didn’t feel bad or resentful about these No’s, probably because they were conscious choices, and so felt okay.
The problems with Yes! and No! are when they are outside of consciousness—when your hidden, interior fears eliminate opportunities before you are even consciously aware of them. These hidden Yes! and No! impulses are based on long held, outside-of-awareness beliefs and patterns that limit and control your world, and thus hamstring your life, without your conscious awareness.
How You Know Where You Say Yes! and No!
You can tell where you are saying Yes! and No! by looking at your life. Where your life looks and feels expansive and flowing, where situations unfold with ease—even if they require effort and attending to, like a bountiful garden—you are saying Yes! Where you feel inner conflict, or stuck, stressed or frustrated, you are saying No! It’s that simple.
How We Make It More Complicated
Even though the basic concept really is that simple, the human brain is suspicious of simplicity and so tries to make it more complicated by streaming this simple concept through your belief systems—both conscious and subconscious. A big belief system block is, “But what if I am not supposed to be doing something, and that is why I am hitting the brick wall of No! over and over?”
Good question, really. If you are hitting the brick wall of No! over and over, and you are consciously saying Yes!, then one of two general things is going on. Either you are following your deep desires and your subconscious fears are interfering, or you are pursuing something that your mind thinks is groovy but your deep desires know is just a distraction.
Both are a form of saying No! But they come from two different orientations to life, and that prompts a different question: Are you oriented to living from your head, or are you oriented to living from your Wild Heart, soul, spiritual self, core values, authenticity, whatever you choose to call this deeper alignment? Often the conflict lies because you have been taught to live from the head, but your inner longing has been wooing you to live from the Wild Heart.
It can feel very schizophrenic, I know. I really do. And I have an opinion on the matter from banging against the brick wall again and again myself.
Living From The Head
The head/mind, both conscious and subconscious, are learning centers. The primary building blocks of learning are the experiences of feeling safe and unsafe. This safe/unsafe system is how the early brain ensures survival. It is even more primary to the human experience than the concept “me and not me” (which, incidentally, when built upon the safe/unsafe split, labels “me and things like me” as safe and “things unlike me” as unsafe, which we have a really hard time getting over, if we try at all. This categorical association is the basis of nationalism, racism, and -isms of all kinds, and is also one of the largest contributors to saying No! to life, because what you are uncomfortable with you tend to say No! to and discard before it even gets to full awareness.) The safe/unsafe split is the foundation on which all of your decisions and actions, and all of the goals and desires of the mind are made. Living from the mind, and letting the mind’s desires outweigh the desires of your deeper self–your Wild Heart–is living from the fear of being unsafe.
When you are oriented to the head and you hit the brick wall of No!, it may be because your Wild Heart is trying to steer you another, more deeply engaging, fulfilling or satisfying route, or it may be that there are subconscious fears that are stronger than your mind’s desires that are interfering.
Living From The Wild Heart
I like to call this deeper orientation or deeper self the Wild Heart, because it is that untamed interior that is untainted by the fears that underlay the mind’s reasoning and desires. Your Wild Heart is your connection to Spirit, to soul, to God (though I tend to stay away from the term God when talking about this because most people’s concept of God is learned through fear, and thus a limiting product of the mind and a constricting avenue of No! much more often than an expansive avenue of Yes!) When you are oriented to your Wild Heart and you bump against the brick wall of No!, it generally means that your learned fears are getting in the way.
The Secret of Yes!
Saying Yes! to life in practical terms—in my work anyway—is following the desires and guidance of your Wild Heart as your primary intention, then aligning the desires of your conscious mind with your Wild Heart’s, and using that partnership to release, transform or otherwise change your subconscious fears (where you say No! unconsciously and thus limit your possibilities and life) to support the ongoing, unfolding path of your Wild Heart.
When all three of these are aligned—with your Wild Heart as the leader—you are in the full flow of Yes! and life becomes a magical dance of fulfillment, challenge and grace.
Say Yes Today!
I’m no longer accepting new clients and recommend you contact the amazing Kevin Peer who also does heart-oriented hypnosis in person and over the phone.
You can find him at Inner Alliance . net
***Kristine Madera is a Certified Clinical Hypnotist and Hypno-Coach
***North Carolina has not adopted education or training standards for the practice of hypnotism, and so the statement of credential is for informational purposes only. Hypnotism is a self-regulating profession and licensed under the “Healing Arts” license issued by the State of North Carolina. In addition, the State of North Carolina only allows the term “therapist” to be used in conjunction with hypnotism for those who hold licenses specific to the medical and mental health fields. This is why I often use the term Clinical Hypnotist rather than Clinical Hypnotherapist while practicing in North Carolina. I am not a licensed health care provider and may not provide a medical diagnosis nor recommend that a client discontinue medically prescribed treatment.